funny quotes about moms

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake. ~From the movie Fight Club, based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk



Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness. ~Ellie Katz



Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha



If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill. ~Danish Proverb



The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man. ~Author Unknown



Procrastination is opportunity's assassin. ~Victor Kiam



April prepares her green traffic light and the world thinks Go. ~Christopher Morley, John Mistletoe



Neurotics would like to sleep all the time, and to be awakened only when there is good news. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960



It needs to become as easy to get hold of a condom in a poor country as Coca-Cola. ~Clare Short



I loathed the game, and since I could see no pleasure or usefulness in it, it was very difficult for me to show courage at it. Football, it seemed to me, is not really played for the pleasure of kicking a ball about, but is a species of fighting. ~George Orwell, Such, Such Were the Joys



When it comes time to die, make sure all you got to do is die. ~Attributed to Jim Elliot



I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. ~Dolly Parton



It is often hard to distinguish between the hard knocks in life and those of opportunity. ~Frederick Phillips



By night, an atheist half believes in God. ~Edward Young, Night Thoughts



If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. ~Mark Twain



Courage can't see around corners, but goes around them anyway. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960



No one knows what they'll do in a moment of crisis and hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers. ~Joan Baez, "What Would You Do If....?"



I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake. ~Author Unknown



A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water. ~Carl Reiner



If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun. ~From the television show Roseanne