funny quotes for tumblr

Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all. ~Fred Allen



Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain. ~J.K. Rowling, "Dobby's Reward," Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, 1999, spoken by the character Arthur Weasley



It is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome. ~T.S. Eliot, about radio



My cat speaks sign language with her tail. ~Robert A. Stern



When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ~Mark Twain



It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. ~P.G. Wodehouse, The Man Upstairs



God made the country, and man made the town. ~William Cowper, The Task, 1785



More die in the United States of too much food than of too little. ~John Kenneth Galbraith, The Affluent Society



All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say, "Yo Goober! Where's the meat?" I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad. ~The Simpsons by Matt Groening, spoken by the character Homer Simpson



There is nothing in the world so much like prayer as music is. ~William P. Merrill



The butterfly's attractiveness derives not only from colors and symmetry: deeper motives contribute to it. We would not think them so beautiful if they did not fly, or if they flew straight and briskly like bees, or if they stung, or above all if they did not enact the perturbing mystery of metamorphosis: the latter assumes in our eyes the value of a badly decoded message, a symbol, a sign. ~Primo Levi



Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking about their work. ~Lemony Snicket



It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. ~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Following the Equator, 1897



Man must feel the earth to know himself and recognize his values.... God made life simple. It is man who complicates it. ~Charles A. Lindbergh, Reader's Digest, July 1972



For dhrames always go by conthraries, my dear. ~Samuel Lover, Rory O' More



Games of chance are traps to catch school boy novies and gaping country squires, who begin with a guinea and end with a mortgage. ~Author Unknown



There are two kinds of light - the glow that illumines, and the glare that obscures. ~James Thurber



Armaments, universal debt and planned obsolescence - those are the three pillars of Western prosperity. ~Aldous Huxley, Island



The darkest hour has only sixty minutes. ~Morris Mandel



Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years with time off for good behavior? ~James Donovan