funny quotes for birthdays

I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence. ~Doug McLeod



Property, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference. ~Ambrose Bierce



I like to walk about among the beautiful things that adorn the world; but private wealth I should decline, or any sort of personal possessions, because they would take away my liberty. ~George Santayana, "The Irony of Liberalism"



If men liked shopping, they'd call it research. ~Cynthia Nelms



You know you're an Arizona native when... a rainy day puts you in a good mood. ~Marshall Trimble, quoted in You Know You're an Arizona Native, When... compiled by Don Dedera, 1993



Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. ~Seneca the Younger



A woman who sells herself to buy bread for her aged mother or her child, stands upon a higher moral plane than the blushing maiden who marries a money bag, in order to gratify her frivolous appetite for parties and travel. Of two men, he is the less deceived, the more logical and rational, who pays his companion of an hour in cash, each time, than he who gets a companion for life by the marriage contract, whose society was purchased as much as in the former case. Every alliance between man and woman in which either one is influenced by the substantial or selfish advantage to be gained by it, is prostitution. ~Max Nordau, Conventional Lies of Our Civilization



The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs. ~Joan Didion



The best and most efficient pharmacy is within your own system. ~Robert C. Peale The best and most efficient pharmacy is within your own system. ~Robert C. Peale



Mammalia, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle. ~Ambrose Bierce



Five great enemies to peace inhabit with us: avarice, ambition, envy, anger, and pride. If those enemies were to be banished, we should infallibly enjoy perpetual peace. ~Francesco Petrarch



It is easier to find a score of men wise enough to discover the truth than to find one intrepid enough, in the face of opposition, to stand up for it. ~A.A. Hodge



Dancing is like dreaming with your feet! ~Constanze



There is as much difference between good poetry and fine verses, as between the smell of a flower-garden and of a perfumer's shop. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827



Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote. The relative positions to be assumed by man and woman in the working out of our civilization were assigned long ago by a higher intelligence than ours. ~Grover Cleveland, 1905



The best style is the style you don't notice. ~Somerset Maugham



It is only when the mind and character slumber that the dress can be seen. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



You spend 90% of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10% trying to convince the Lord that you're actually not that tired. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



How can the spirit of the earth like the white man?... Everywhere the white man has touched it, it is sore. ~Anonymous Wintu Woman



What we usually pray to God is not that His will be done, but that He approve ours. ~Helga Bergold Gross